PHOTO SEQUENCE: First Lady Rolls Her Eyes at John Boehner's Remarks to the President (But Can't Stop Eating)

But remember, folks: these are our respectful betters who want to tell us how many calories we should eat each day.

Judging by the appearance of FLOTUS, Lisa Jackson, Regina Benjamin (the Surgeon General), and Janet Napolitano -- to name but a few -- the calorie counting only extends to the rabble.

The Most Terrifying Photo You Will See This Fortnight

Your eyes are not deceiving you.

The topmost selection is a vending machine burrito that could very well be consumed this Christmas Eve.

STATISM TODAY: Maryland County Bans Soda

Robert asks, "What better way to fight obesity than to infringe upon people’s right to buy, sell or drink what they want?"

Howard County Bans Sale Of Sugary Drinks On Public Property

December 11, 2012 9:11 PM

HOWARD COUNTY, Md. (WJZ)—No more sugary drinks in Howard County vending machines.
As Mike Schuh reports, the county executive stopped the drinks from being sold on county property.

Childhood obesity has tripled in the past 30 years. Health experts pour the blame squarely on sugary drinks... “Sugary drinks are the largest single source of added sugar to our children’s diet,” said Nikki Highsmith Vernick, Horizon Foundation CEO.
Sugar, she says, turns into fat.

The student government at Burleigh Middle was brought out to demonstrate the problem.
At their call, 10 tons of fine sand was dumped to demonstrate the amount of sugar which would be consumed by their school in a year if every kid drank one sugar soda a day.

...Howard County Executive Ken Ulman used this backdrop to announce a ban on the sale of sugar drinks on county property. “Vending machines will look differently in our parks, libraries and any county buildings,” Ulman said.

The ban, he says, takes effect immediately.

Of course it does.

As Mark Levin is fond of saying, the circle of liberty surrounding each of us seems to grow smaller by the day.

Now that Chief Justice John Roberts has ruled that the government has the power to compel individuals to buy products of the central government's design, how much longer until the feds mandate the consumption of broccoli?

DO YOU EAT? These charts should make you nervous

You may remember the last time food prices spiked: the entire Middle East exploded in an inferno of Muslim Brotherhood-fueled unrest. Democrats and the media -- but I repeat myself -- called it the "Arab Spring".

Not to get you overly paranoid or anything, but the race to devalue global currencies -- spearheaded by one Ben Bernanke and his magical printing press -- is touching off more inflation in food prices as evidenced here and here:

Now that the Federal Reserve has monetized trillions in debt, it's safe to say that there is no viable exit strategy. Other than inflation and/or economic collapse, that is.

The EBT President

Joanne writes:

I've attached two receipts someone gave me within the last month.

The short hand "MRBL SHT CKE" is for a decorated marble sheet cake that costs $46.99.

In both cases, each were paid with food stamps or EBT cards as they are known today.

That's right, two different people, supposedly down on their luck, paid for birthday cakes with your money. Did they get box of Betty Crocker cake mix, a container of frosting, and some eggs for less than $5 and make their own cake?

Nope! Instead, they billed a premium -- some would say non-essential -- party item to the taxpayer. And that is just the tip of the iceberg.

With scanners and UPC's, items like this could easily be excluded from purchase under the EBT program. Yet, in essence, our government is subsiding the lifestyles of those on welfare.

It's like what Texas Senatorial candidate Ted Cruz said earlier today:

Right now, we’re engaged in a national debate over big government solutions versus individual responsibility and I think this issue powerfully illustrates the different approaches between President Obama and Governor Romney.

In my view, there are three critical failings behind President Obama’s new policy on welfare. Number one, it’s fiscally irresponsible. At a time when our nation has sixteen trillion dollars in national debt, the idea that this president would eliminate one of the key requirements that reduced the welfare caseload and reduced federal government spending makes no sense.


Number two, it is yet another action of executive arrogance by this president—President Obama, if he disagreed with requiring welfare recipients to work or to seek work. He could have gone to Congress. He could have proposed new legislation. He could have tried to make the case to the American people. But he did not do that. He didn’t try to make the argument to anybody that work requirements were unnecessary or were counterproductive in welfare. Instead, he simply decreed it by executive order and this has been a pattern of this administration where they believe their own ideology trumps the views of the American people.

And the third critical failing of this new policy is that it hurts the recipients of welfare. The most compelling reason behind the bipartisan welfare reform that we saw is that helping those receiving government assistance to get jobs, to stand on their own feet fundamentally transforms their lives. We are not doing anybody a favor by giving them welfare in perpetuity and making them dependent on government.

Ted, it's called "The Cloward-Piven Strategy". It's time we referred to it by its proper name.


Related: "Not even the USDA knows what people are buying with food stamps"

Checkmate: Idiot Abuser of Innocent Chick-Fil-A Employee Has Suddenly "Left the Company"

Vintage media didn't bother covering Chick-Fil-A Apprecation Day... or the bizarre Leftist who taped himself verbally abusing an innocent employee of the restaurant chain.

Turns out that the self-made YouTube star is no longer affiliated with his employer:

TUCSON, AZ--(Marketwire - Aug 2, 2012) - The following is a statement from Vante:

Vante regrets the unfortunate events that transpired yesterday in Tucson between our former CFO/Treasurer Adam Smith and an employee at Chick-fil-A. Effective immediately, Mr. Smith is no longer an employee of our company.

The actions of Mr. Smith do not reflect our corporate values in any manner. Vante is an equal opportunity company with a diverse workforce, which holds diverse opinions. We respect the right of our employees and all Americans to hold and express their personal opinions, however, we also expect our company officers to behave in a manner commensurate with their position and in a respectful fashion that conveys these values of civility with others.

We hope that the general population does not hold Mr. Smith's actions against Vante and its employees.

I, for one, applaud Vante for its stand against fascism.

Nice Deb has more.


Hat tip: The invaluable BadBlue News Service.

Tasty: Michigan teen bites into finger while eating an Arby's sandwich. The problem? The finger wasn't his.

I lost my appetite a couple of moments ago after reading the following KTRK-TV report:

A Michigan teen made a gristly [sic] discovery after biting into an Arby's junior roast beef sandwich.

Ryan Hart said he had nearly polished off his sandwich last Friday when he bit into something tough to chew that tasted like rubber, so he spit it out.

Turns out it tasted like finger. The fleshy pad of an unfortunate employee's finger, apparently.

"I was like, `That (has) to be a finger,"' Hart, 14, told the Jackson Citizen Patriot on Wednesday. "I was about to puke. ... It was just nasty."

The employee apparently cut her finger on a meat slicer and left her station without immediately telling anyone, said Steve Hall, the environmental health director for the Jackson County health department. Her co-workers continued filling orders before they became aware of what happened, he said.

John Gray, a spokesman for Atlanta-based Arby's, released a statement Wednesday apologizing for what he described as an isolated and "unfortunate incident." He said Arby's is still investigating, but has determined that the Jackson workers shut down food production as soon as they found out what happened and thoroughly cleaned and sanitized the restaurant.

...Ryan's mother, Jamie Vail, was incredulous. She and her friend, Joe Wheaton, had taken Ryan and his 11-year-old brother to the Arby's drive-through, and she said she thought her son was joking when he exclaimed he had found a piece of a finger in his sandwich... "Somebody loses a finger, and you keep sending food out the window? I can't believe that," said Vail. She and Wheaton said the severed section was about an eighth to a quarter-inch thick and at least one inch long.

Arby's slogan used to be "It's Good Mood Food"... but perhaps it should be "It's Good Finger Food" instead.

Sorry, it's the best I could come up with now that I have an upset stomach.


Hat tip: BadBlue.com.

Photos: Massive Food Shortage Unfolding in Mexico -- Is a Refugee Crisis Imminent?

I predict an influx of undocumented Democrats.

The Rarámuri indigenous community in northern Mexico faces severe food and water shortages after the region's worst drought in more than 70 years...

The people are getting angry:

• Thousands Demand Food, Jobs in Mexico City - The shortage of basic foods and the spike in prices are devastating the urban dwellers who consume these goods daily,” National Peasants Confederation, or CNC, president Gerardo Sanchez said.

• Even Mexico’s Drug Cartels Are Affected By Worst Drought In Years - Mexico is currently experiencing its most intense drought in 71 years... More than 2 million people in the country have been affected by the water shortage... Government officials warn that the drought could last for at least another five months, with freezing temperature in some states now threatening to endanger lives and crops... Nearly 7 percent of the country’s agricultural land, mostly in the north and centre, has suffered complete losses

• Drought Threatens Food Supply of 2.5 Million Mexicans - Some 2.5 million people are at risk of going hungry due to the severe drought plaguing more than half of Mexico’s 32 states, a leading expert said Thursday... The shortage of rain has already led to the loss of 3.2 million tons of maize, 600,000 tons of beans and 60,000 head of cattle, he noted. ...Without measures to counteract the agricultural losses, “this population runs the risk of suffering hunger,” Romero said, calling it “paradoxical” that the government delayed so long in tapping some of Mexico’s $147 billion in international reserves to address the problems caused by the drought.

You can donate to Mexican food relief here.


Hat tip: Doctor M.

Good news: EPA creates bureaucratic nightmare to prevent farmers from using... pesticides

And what could possibly go wrong with a de facto ban on pesticides? Farm Futures explains:

The U.S. Senate and the Senate Agriculture Committee failed to stop the Environmental Protection Agency from issuing a regulation which will require a Clean Water Act National Pollutant Discharge Elimination System permit when applying pesticides.

...any person discharging pesticides and leaving a residue, waste or surplusage through a point source and into a water of the United States will be required to obtain a NPDES permit before application. This case still poses a legal risk for tillage agriculture...

• mosquito and other flying insect pest control;
• weed and algae pest control on the water and the water's edge;
• animal pest control...;
• forest canopy pest control where pesticides will necessarily have to be applied over and deposited into water.

The general permit issued by EPA will start being enforced at the end of February, 2012... As producers, you need to be extremely vigilant as to what your state environmental agency may be doing with regard to requiring NPDES permits for spraying of pesticides.

In other words, if a farm has any water on its property, it could be required to submit a "pesticide discharge management plan". This fun package of regulatory overreach includes:

• a Pesticide Discharge Management Team;
• Problem Identification;
• Pest Management Options Evaluation;
• Response Procedures;
• Spill Response Procedures;
• Adverse Incident Procedures;
• and Documentation to Support Compliance with Other Federal Laws.

As the understated Farm Futures observes, "it is unlikely most agricultural operations could support this bureaucratic framework."

[The framework] does not provide any protection or preemption if a producer is sued by a citizen who claims the spraying of a crop leads to the discharge of the pesticide or herbicide into the air and is discharged or deposited into a water of the state.

...Before spring planting begins, you should have your local farm organization check with the state environmental agency to determine its position on pesticide application and any potential legal liability that might develop as a result of spraying practices... It still poses a risk to farmers and applicators.

I guess we really didn't need reliable food production after all.

And what's the real motivation behind this regulatory nightmare? To make farming so difficult, so onerous, so bureaucratic, that small farms will simply give up and sell out to huge corporations; you know, the kind that have an incestuous relationship with Congress. With the state. It's Crony Capitalism 101, folks (refer to tenets #1 and #7 in Compare and Contrast: Karl Marx' 10 Point Program of Communism and the Obama-Pelosi-Reid Agenda).

A picture from President Obama's post-Constitutional America

I'm shocked. SHOCKED, I say.

I was strolling around the waterfront fish market in DC on Saturday, admiring the whole octopi, the squid, lobsters, jumbo crab legs and Maryland blue crabs for sale.

Imagine my surprise when I spotted this sign above a pile of crabs.

...But this is all good news, according to this administration. Remember, food stamps stimulate the economy!

Say, did someone mention another Obama record?

...according to the latest update from the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP), some 423,000 Americans found their way to minimum way subsistence, courtesy of Food Stamp handouts from Uncle Sam. Since the start of the Second Great Depression, food stamp participation has increased by 18.7 million, and is now at an all time higher 46.3 million.

All Bush's fault, or something. At least the chart below appears to be plateauing... Actually, sorry, no. It isn't.

Not to worry, folks.

At least the USDA has an excellent handle on how food stamps are being used.

Sorry. I couldn't restrain my chortle.


Hat tip: Occam's Razor X.

A Traditional Thanksgiving...

The "All-You-Can-Eat" Thanksgiving dinner at Mike Ditka's, just like the one the Pilgrims enjoyed:

Except for the Pinot, the Filet Mignon, the spinach and mushrooms, the Maker's Mark, and pumpkin pie cheesecake. I ate so much, I think I wrenched my spleen.

So Proud: the Food Stamp President Sets a New All-Time Benchmark!

Does the word historic ring a bell?

...here is this month's refresh from the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program, which informs us that in August, a new all time record number of Americans, or 45.8 million, relied on food stamps for sustenance. So for those who are looking for those up and coming states where the population has decided that slowly but surely work of any kind is an anachronism we suggest you move to Alabama, Delaware, Utah, or Washington: all states that have seen at least a 3% sequential increase in food stamp usage...

And, tangentially, confirming that this country's economy is headed straight to hell and won't pass go is the latest news from LPS according to which nearly 40% of loans in foreclosure have not made a payment in two years, and 72% have not made a payment in the past 12 months.

Sweet! Glad to see those billions spent to resurrect the housing industry are working out.

And don't forget: since "not even the USDA knows what people are buying with food stamps"", you can be sure your tax dollars are being used with the utmost efficiency.

#Winning!

Via GayPatriot's Twitter feed.

Third World Starvation, Brought to You by Ethanol and the Global Warming Scam Artists™

The "Arab Spring" -- violent revolts in Egypt, Libya, Syria and Yemen -- can be traced back to rising food prices, food shortages and imminent starvation. Prior to the Yemeni uprising, for example, seven million citizens "were forced to reduce their number of daily meals from three to one."

And what caused these rising food prices?

You guessed it: the global warming scam, which forces otherwise edible crops to be burned as inefficient fuels like ethanol. A new research paper models food prices and arrives at statistical proof that the global warming scam is, in great part, helping starve children in the third world.

The Food Crises: A quantitative model of food prices including speculators and ethanol conversion

Recent increases in basic food prices are severely impacting vulnerable populations worldwide. Proposed causes such as shortages of grain due to adverse weather, increasing meat consumption in China and India, conversion of corn to ethanol in the US, and investor speculation on commodity markets lead to widely differing implications for policy. A lack of clarity about which factors are responsible reinforces policy inaction...

Here, for the first time, we construct a dynamic model that quantitatively agrees with food prices. The results show that the dominant causes of price increases are investor speculation [Ed: market forces, i.e., supply-and-demand] and ethanol conversion. Models that just treat supply and demand are not consistent with the actual price dynamics...

...Both causes of price increase, speculative investment and ethanol conversion, are promoted by recent regulatory changes—deregulation of the commodity markets, and policies promoting the conversion of corn to ethanol. Rapid action is needed to reduce the impacts of the price increases on global hunger.

It's time for the government to get out of the fuel business. It's time to stop subsidizing ethanol; to disband the regulatory state that prevents exploitation of our natural resources; and to let the free market dictate what we use to power our society.

Because the destruction wrought by the environmental, flat-earth, no-growth Marxist left must be stopped.

If for no other reason than to save the children who today starve to death thanks to the likes of Al Gore and the climate grifters.


Related: In the name of global warming, 20,000 Ugandan villagers burned out of their homes.

Tales from the Obamaconomy: The Burger King was just handed a pink slip

Nothing's quite as tragic as seeing royalty hit the skids.

...USA Today reported that Burger King is “dethroning the creepy King character.” Today’s media reports about the company owned by investment firm 3G Capital focus on the loss of the “Barry Gibb-Lookalike Mascot” but the company itself was more tactful, announcing that its next ad campaign will focus on food...



...Burger King’s senior marketing vice president Alex Macedo told USA Today “there are no plans to bring the King back anytime soon.” This wording seems to provide some chance of a return in the distant future, which would be good news for those of us who value texture in burgers and in burger ads.

By my estimation, the President has now saved or created a negative 2,500,001 jobs since he took office.

Food Distributor Sysco: Prepare for Food Price Inflation as Freezing Temperatures and/or Global Warming Kill 80-100% of Mexico's Harvest

I forget: is the proper term global warming or climate change? Either way, the following memo from food giant Sysco appears rather dire (PDF).

All of our growers have invoked the act of god clause on our contracts (force majuere) due to the following release:

The extreme freezing temperatures hit a very broad section of major growing regions in Mexico, from Hermosillo in the north all the way south to Los Mochis and even south of Culiacan. The early reports are still coming in but most are showing losses of crops in the range of 80 to 100%.

Even shade house product was hit by the extremely cold temps. It will take 7-10 days to have a clearer picture from growers and field supervisors, but these growing regions haven’t had cold like this in over a half century.

This time of year, Mexico supplies a significant percent of North America’s row crop vegetables such as green beans, eggplant, cucumbers, squash, peppers, asparagus, and round and roma tomatoes.

Florida normally is a major supplier for these items as well but they have already been struck with severe freeze damage in December and January and up until now have had to purchase product out of Mexico to fill their commitments; that is no longer an option.

With the series of weather disasters that have occurred in both of these major growing areas, we will experience immediate volatile prices, expected limited availability, and mediocre quality at best.

This will not only have an immediate impact on supplies, but because of very strong blossom drops, this will also impact supplies 30 – 60 days from now. Some growers are meeting with their boards right now to determine whether they should immediately re-plant, hoping for a harvest by late-march-to-early-april, or whether they should disc the fields under and wait for another season.

We are doing everything we can with our growers to minimize the effect of this disaster on you. With the unprecedented magnitude of this event we wanted to immediately make you aware of the conditions. We will continue to send out communications as our people on the ground report back to us. We thank you and we appreciate your understanding during this time.

Good thing the EPA is on the case, harnessing all of that extra CO2.

I don't know what we'd do without 'em.


Hat tips: D&S, Food Freedom, Steve Quayle and Sysco.

Exciting New Addition to San Francisco Restaurant Menus

Chopper Pilot sends us this shot of a menu from a high-end restaurant in SF:

Here's an interesting thought experiment. At what point do the regulations, taxes, surcharges and other Statist intrusions in people's lives become so oppressive that even San Franciscans rebel.

My guess is that the hippies have a very high tolerance for pain.

Iowa Football: Coming Clean on Creatine

There's a lot of misinformation flying around the Intertubes concerning the hospitalization of more than a dozen Iowa football players after a strenuous workout. The players suffered from a condition known as rhabdomyolysis -- which literally means the destruction of their muscle tissue.

Imagine a muscle cramp in your leg that's 20 times more painful than a normal cramp; that's pretty much what rhabdomyolysis is. Muscle cells become so strained that they literally burst inside the body. The results can shut down a person's kidneys and possibly even lead to a heart attack.

In the case of the Iowa players, they had been undergoing a particularly grueling workout -- but one that had reportedly been performed by players for a decade. They were said to have been doing sets of squats consisting of 100 reps each, which -- if you've never done it -- is truly a mind-bender. So why did their bodies melt down? WKRG publishes some speculation from a teammate.

[Defensive Lineman Christian] Ballard said, "I think its just a matter of people not re-hydrating: probably taking some supplements that are legal, but, at the same time, probably aren't very good for you."

..."A lot of supplements, you're not going to be able to catch on a drug test. Some of them are just like creatine, that de-hydrates you when you are taking it. And, I know a lot of guys who were kind of buying that stuff, and probably just having a weekend span. A lot of them probably went out drinking, and probably not re-hydrating."

Iowa has been open about its use of creatine as a supplement in the past.

And creatine is safely used by tens of thousands of athletes every year. It's naturally found in meat and fish. So what happened? Here's my theory: they took way too much: the recommended dose is generally a teaspoon per day. So it's not hard to imagine a a dozen guys taking, say, four teaspoons a couple of times per day instead. And a study published in 2000 would tend to align with that theory.

The case report by Robinson in this issue of The Journal represents the most serious published report to date of an adverse effect in a person taking oral creatine supplements. In light of its severity, it is prudent to speculate on the likelihood that this man’s creatine consumption contributed to his rhabdomyolysis.

Rhabdomyolysis results from a breakdown of the muscle cell wall, which leads to cell necrosis. It is thought to be the result of a plasma membrane defect or a disturbance in the sodium-potassium pump that allows an influx of calcium into the cell, which triggers a cascade of events leading to cell necrosis... Robinson speculates that intracellular water retention led to increased skeletal muscle compartment pressures, which placed the patient at risk for cellular wall breakdown...

...First, as do many athletes who believe more is better, this patient was taking a very high dose for an extended time. Such high doses and long periods are not only contrary to recommendations, but they are also unstudied... [he was also healthy and] was not taking any other supplement that could be a contributing factor.

If I had to bet, this is precisely what occurred with Iowa's players. Lots of creatine, too little fluid consumption and a heavy-duty workout.

For those who say creatine doesn't work: they're wrong. It does and it can be used safely. Perhaps a dozen years ago, I decided to really get my level of body-fat down. At that time, I used no supplements whatsoever. What I found is that as I lost weight, I also lost a good deal of strength.

At a body weight of 178, which was down 25 pounds in a matter of a couple of months, I could bench press 225 12 times -- that represented a significant and disappointing drop from the time when I carried more weight. Someone suggested creatine and, after reading plenty of research on MedLine, determined that for short-term use, it appeared relatively safe.

Fact is, creatine is found in meat and fish and is produced naturally in your body as well. I have always tried to lift twice a week and would consume a teaspoon of creatine the day before and the day of each resistance workout. In other words, just four teaspoons a week.

Within a few months, I was able to bench 225 for 21 reps with almost no weight gain (perhaps at 183 lbs.). Creatine makes you feel like a hydraulic machine; much stronger in terms of repetitions (but not maxing out).

When I get my annual checkup, my blood-work shows slightly elevated creatinine levels, common among anyone who works out regularly and not atypical (according to my doctor) for minor creatine consumption.

Bottom line is that the supplement does work and you don't need very much of it. I'm betting Iowa's players overdid the creatine and under-hydrated. Fortunately, they all appear to be okay and were released from the hospital on Friday.

If you are someone who likes to train, I would definitely encourage you to do your own research first. Don't trust me -- follow your doctor's orders and the dosing information you're given. But if you're cleared to use it, I suspect you'll appreciate the additional strength.

In Memoriam: Jack LaLanne, In His Own Words

Jack LaLanne, the father of the modern fitness movement, was legendary for his strict diet, gladiator-style workouts and lifelong devotion to healthy living. He passed away Sunday at age 96 -- a blow to many of us who thought the man was immortal. And rather than recast his biography, I'll let the man speak for himself through some of my favorite quotes.

• "Coaches told some of the pro athletes who wanted to come to me to stay away or they'd get thrown off the team. They said I'd make athletes muscle-bound. One time... it was during World War II, I took the entire University of California football team out to the sand dunes near Cliff House in San Francisco. I grabbed the heaviest guy and put him on my back, and I ran up the dunes. Then I made each of them do it. Nearly killed them! They were heavin' all over the place!"

• "I train like I'm training for the Olympics or for a Mr. America contest, the way I've always trained my whole life. You see, life is a battlefield. Life is survival of the fittest... How many healthy people do you know? How many happy people do you know? Think about it. People work at dying, they don't work at living. My workout is my obligation to life. It's my tranquilizer. It's part of the way I tell the truth--and telling the truth is what's kept me going all these years."

• "Don't talk age! Age has nothing to do with it. One of my guys who started out at my gym is 87 now, and he still does ten bench-press reps with a hundred-pound dumbbell in each hand. He's training to set a leg-pressing record. I put things in the guy's brain way back when, and now he'll never get away from it."

• "Thoughts are things. Negativity is what kills you... It's tough to do, but you've got to work at living, you know? Most people work at dying, but anybody can die; the easiest thing on this earth is to die. But to live takes guts; it takes energy, vitality, it takes thought. . . . We have so many negative influences out there that are pulling us down. . . . You've got to be strong to overcome these adversities . . . that's why I never stop."

• "...most Americans these days—they want to overeat, overdrink, smoke and not exercise, and then they go to the doctor saying, "Give me a magic shot, doctor, so I can feel better and look better." They all want that, but as I said, there is a price to pay. Living is tough, it's hard, and most people, especially religious people, spend too much time on their spirituality, hoping that this spiritual thing is going to do something for them. It doesn't work that way!"

• So that's how I get my reward. Can you put a price on a life? If you can save somebody's life, get that person to reduce their weight or get these older people working out, well, look what you've done—you've saved a life, the most precious thing there is!"

• "Now a lot of people say, "Oh, I don't have the time." Or, "Oh, but I don't like it, Jack." But you know, I try to get to the gym by five in the morning, and I work out for two hours. To leave a hot bed and a hot woman to go to a cold gym—now that's dedication! And I've never heard this once—knock, knock, knock on the window in my gym: "Jack, this is Jesus, I'll work out for you today!""

• "I get so ticked off. People are so misinformed these days. They tell you to eat no starch, no fats, to sell a diet, to make money. Where can you get a better food than nuts and grains? ...Would you give your dog a cigarette and a doughnut for breakfast every morning? People think nothing of giving themselves that for breakfast, and they wonder why they don't feel good."

• "The average person who is 70 or 80 is over the hill... They're fat, they're racked with aches and pains. Then you get people over 90 who are running marathons, because they worked at living. I have a lot of energy and you know why? Because I use it. It's use it or lose it, and it's believing in something. Most people just go through life existing, waiting for retirement. That's the death knell."

• "If you can't afford a half hour three or four times a week taking care of the most priceless possession, your body, you've got to be sick. You're stupid."

• "If man makes it, I don't eat it. I practice what I preach. I eat 10 raw vegetables, 5 pieces of fruit, egg whites and fish for protein, and whole grains. Finally, if you can't have a sense of humor, you're dead."

• "My whole career, doctors and so-called experts called me a crackpot and charlatan... But I was right... I train two hours every day. I do an hour and a half of weight training, then maybe a swim or a walk. I like change. I change my program every 30 days. You know, you get bored. The only thing I don't change is my wife."

• "Sitting around on your big fat gluteus maximus talking about the good old days. The good old days are right this second. You've got to exercise VIG-OR-OUSLY! Life is tough. Life is a challenge. Life is a battlefield... . Life is an athletic event, and you must train for it."

Rest In Peace, Mr. LaLanne. Your legend lives on.

Where's Mayor Bloomberg When You Need Him? Major Waterway Clogged With... Fat

I'm guessing Mayor Bloomberg is too busy regulating salt and soft drinks to worry about this disaster in Houston.

Texas authorities were forced to close part of the Houston Ship Channel Tuesday after 250,000 gallons of beef fat spewed out of a shore-based storage tank. That's right — what you see isn't ice — it's gelatinized beef fat.

Approximately 15,000 pounds (or 250,000 gallons) of the animal fat spilled into the Houston Ship Channel this week out of a tank owned by agricultural company Jacob Sterns and Sons. Representatives of the company say the rupture was the result of an employee error.

The Coast Guard and the Texas General Land Office sent workers into the gulf to capture the beef tallow, which thickens in the cold water, by picking up the foot-long thickened bits. These bits aren't the edible portions but rather the bits leftover and used for cosmetics and soap... Here's one more image — just in case you had any thoughts of eating any food for the rest of the day.

I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth.